Hurt

So this weekend i had a party of a friend of mine.. i didnt really wanted to go but i went
Anyway... we went swimming first and after that the party...

Now the thing, i'm trying to forget the time i had with my ex by talking about it..
talking is the only thing that helps me atm.. because i need the support of my friends..
they told me i should shut up and not talk about it...
so that was a like wtf moment for me because i know i'm not autistic but starting to feel i am.. seeing i want to talk things out.. for my feeling it really killed me from inside ..

That is how i feel now, because i gave all my energy to her..
now the point... i had to find out trough a friend she's dating a mate of Nick's... and he didn't even have the guts to tell me in my face they are together.. maybe it's non of my business
but seeing it's just been 4 fucking weeks since we broke up... it hurt the most.
Even the way he was talking about her.. while i was laying there trying to sleep...
GET IT IN YOUR FUCKING THICK SKULL I'M STILL HEART BROKEN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE …. i seriously wanted to beat the crap out of him last night...

Why the fuck are people so poorly backboned and don't have the guts just to tell me face to face what's going on?!

I haven't even been sleeping for like 4 weeks now.. always turning and all not knowing what
i did wrong.. but i'll never get that answer because she doesnt even have the guts to just tell what was going on and neither having the backbone for it.. because it's always “my life is so worthless and i'm nothing worth..” Get a freaking backbone for once and Tell what's going
on and don't go all emo like “Oh no it's all your fault”

I was fucking blackmailed in public by her... just telling i wanted her into bed... like get your things right woman... i didn't even care about that... and saying i care more about my camera? Like seriously... get a freaking life and think back..

but listening to someone elses feelings.. no that's not even possible isnt it....

it's always about you.. even in the 3,5 months we had a relationship she didnt even took the time to visit me at home.. but visiting Him is possible.. while living like 2 hours longer away..

i shouldve seen this trough and just shouldnt get a relationship..
But love is a strange thing where you do things u sometimes regret..

and this is one of those … i regret i ever saw something in her.. because a relationship
has to come from 2 sides not one...

i now know i don't want my next relationship to be like this.. because it's my life all over again. Bringing the feeling back from 2007/2008.. some know what i mean with this..

as the songtext from eminem's new song 25 to Life “Not even once you said you apreciate me, I deserve respect. I've done my best to give you nothing less than perfectness”
yes you may say i have to shut up but i hope people finally get trough their thick skulls
how i feel about the past few months...

it also gives me a feeling i'm never wanted...

Positive thinking!

Vandaag kreeg ik van mijn Psycholoog de opdracht om mijn positieve eigenschappen en kwaliteiten op papier te zetten. dus heb besloten om dat via een blog te doen.

ook ga ik nu een dagboek bij houden wat goed is gegaan en waar ik tevreden mee ben.

dus hierbij dus deze blog

English;

Today I got my Psychologist to contract my positive attributes and qualities on paper. so I decided to do that through a blog.

I now also keep a diary of what went well and I am happy with it.

So here is this blog